Kept
“[You] who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation…” – 1 Peter 1:5
For several years I have struggled with anxiety. Personally, I believe anxiety is rooted in our insecurities. In the deepest place, it happens between where we stand and our personal areas of disconnect from the Father. On the surface level, it has more to do with our performance, good or bad. We worry about what we do, or what could be done to us, or whether any of it is acceptable. It is like circular running tubes, made of semi-stretchable plastics, interlocked and connected to each other. As the pressures of life’s air fill them, you wonder if the weak spots in the material will stretch–or burst at a moments notice.
In the past (and present) I have experienced anxiety over the thoughts that I may repeat previous sins and mistakes I committed in ignorance of God’s ability to empower his children. Over time, this anxiety would build up pressure in the areas of life where I used to be confident. I watched as my boldness, my ambitions, and abilities turned to fears and instability. I lost my will to do more than stay still and feel safe. It baffles me because I don’t have anxiety over normal things such as personal safety. In the midst of this whole matter, I’ve run into a gang fight to preach the gospel, I’ve prophesied and loved on people who wanted to start fights with me, and a detailed list could be made. A former pastor once said, “I feel like you’re the bravest person I know!” I thought, to myself, “I’m so afraid of everything.” Anxiety never makes sense because confusion creates it through the threat of danger.
As I deal with overcoming anxiety and being human, I tend to get caught up in that ring of introspection within myself and what’s going on around me. Working out in the gym, yesterday, I talked to God about it point blank. I told him I’m frustrated with seeing progress in my freedom, and then falling right back to my internal turmoil. If it is persisting in this pattern, then I’m doing something wrong, and I need to know how to fix it.
“Then Jesus said,“…you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.‘” –John 8:31-32
Whenever something in my life does not measure up to the grace he has given me, it is the sucky truth that I believe a lie. That was the simplicity of the Father’s answer to me yesterday. To trust that he keeps me with his power through my faith. In trusting him, we become free from the lies that manipulate us. As we trust him, we take away life’s “Access” pass to our heart and mind. Jesus is free from the world, lives in authority over it, and stands in the doorway of your heart.
That has been my problem, my hesitance to believe I am already free from everything. The Father keeps me. Our faith allows us to function under the higher reality of his promise. We must let go of trusting in the evil ability of the world and grab hold of God’s faithfulness. He is good, all the way, all the time. It is not my ability to monitor myself or worry, but His faithfulness towards me in all good fortune. He guards the door of my heart to keep things from coming in that are not from Him. You are not meant to come into the kingdom of God only to wonder if you will be committed enough, work hard enough, or be safe enough in life. All of our internal issues are solved by entrusting our fragility to the stability of His ability.
-Isaiah